Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
