she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
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