it's too hot outside to masturbate.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
