First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
