you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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