how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
My feet surprised me
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