Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize