Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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