if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize