he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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