I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Randomize
