Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
