she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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