I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
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