Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Ketchup is God's man juice
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
