Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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