nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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