How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
