I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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