Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
