After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
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