I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
