He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
