someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
