He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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