The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
