the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
