i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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