Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
