He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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