im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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