4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Less talking, more tequila
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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