pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
