sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
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