I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
