I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
