my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
