Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
