is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You brought string cheese to the strip club
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
