it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize