Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
