so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
