when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
