My brain says no but my pants say off.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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