how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
