Christians are straight up FREAKS
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
