In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
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