Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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