And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
