Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
