Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
