It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
