she looked like the bat from fern gully.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
