its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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