people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
