just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My cat gives me a boner
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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