dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
