Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
