dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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