A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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