I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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