I want to have your abortion
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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