apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
