meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
