If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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