Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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