Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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