i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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