True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize