I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
