I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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