I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
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Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
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